SunnShynne

It was a long trek back to Cairo, and as fate would have it, Jimmy and his mighty camel steed were not traveling nearly as fast as the toxic chemicals even now coursing through the Nile's waters. Nor were they traveling anywhere near as fast as the Blind Prophet's mighty attack helicopter steed. By the time the defeated Jimmy found himself back in Cairo, his defeat had been doubled three-fold. He made his way to the city, and due in part to his newly christened super-power of being able to see things, he immediately noticed smoke rising from the city off in the distance. As he got closer, the chaos seemed to swell, engulfing much of the flamm

Jimmy's face was frozen in a frigid frown, in stark contrast to his usually warm demeanor. He had failed. He had never failed before, but now, the failure was unavoidable. The taste of defeat could not be washed off his palate, no matter how hard he scrubbed it with freshly-fried burrito. It is a strange thing that troubled people who can see somehow are unable to perceive what is right in front of them. Had he looked to his right as he rode north along the Nile, he would have seen the dastardly villain at work, and been able to foil his evil plot before it even started. But that would be a boring story, and Jimmy is also very troubled, so he

For ten long, grueling torturous hours, Jimmy bent himself to the task of learning the Art of Curing. After one or two successes maybe, and a veritable pile of scorched meats, Jimmy finally thought himself equal to the task. Naturally, Jur'Ki was of a different mind. Let's watch. "Ahha!" Shouted Jimmy triumphantly, gesturing to a golden-brown steak that he had just slapped into the hands of the Mummy King. Jur'Ki held it up questioningly. "And what, precisely, is this?" The Mummy's frustration was becoming quite apparent. "This -thing- is not cured. It is literally dripping with oil... This is unacceptable!" He threw it back in Jimmy's face

Ahem, well now, that was a much needed rest. I do believe it's time to continue with our little tale. Where were we... ah yes. Jur'Ki, Lord of Pharaohs, a master of Curing, both Body and Flesh. Mildly eccentric, and a fan of fine teas. And Jimmy Changa, masked master of all things deep-fried and delicious. Jimmy has come seeking the Forbidden Falafel style, but unfortunately, it seems that Jur'Ki predates it. But wait, it seems that an offer is about to made! Let's just wait and see. "Yes, Curing, of both Body and Flesh." Jur'Ki seemed lost in thought for a moment. "Say, what reason could you have for learning this "Forbidden Falafel Style

"Ah yes welcome, come in!" Jimmy stepped in and made a beeline for a comfy-looking chair. He could tell it was comfy just by looking at it. That's how comfy it was. Jimmy sat down and sighed contentedly, resting his bag of wonders down and unceremoniously shattering the mug against the nearest wall. In his culture this was the ultimate honor that one could bestow; the breaking of a novelty mug in one's home was a sign of respect and good intent. Fortunately, Jur'Ki understood his gesture, and returned it in kind. "Welcome to my home!" he bellowed from nowhere in particular. "Yes, got that, I'm here now. I'm sitting, and I see the tea. But

The sun rode high in the sky when his plane touched down in Cairo. For many, the heat would have been considered blistering, but not for him. For he was Jimmy Changa: the masked master of all things deep-fried and delicious. Some say that he gained his powers when he was dipped into a vat of boiling hot radioactive oil. Those people are wrong, but still, that's the rumor, and it's a good rumor so he usually just rolls with it. We're getting a bit off track here. Where was I... ah yes. Jimmy Changa. He was here on a mission, and anyone looking at him as he strode down majestically from his private mexican foodtru-- I mean *foodplane... would

"Hey honey." Something soft brushed my cheek, and I smiled groggily. I tried to open my eyes but it was blazing white, so I screwed them tight again, reaching to pull the covers up over my face. Only, my hands didn't move. They felt like they'd fallen asleep. "Ah ah. No. Don't try to move, I've already got you right where I want you." I felt a sharp jolt, then a tugging sensation from inside my hand. I slowly managed to get my eyes open, and found myself staring up at my own face reflected back at me from a mirror on the ceiling. My normally sandy mid-length hair was plastered to my head, black-slick with blood. The left half of my face was

It was 5:22am, January 16th. It said so on my watch. I glanced at the piece of paper clutched in my left hand. The note read: "Jan 16, 5:27. third man, black hoodie. Watch out for the moon." and then a string of coordinates that were specific to the exact bench I was sitting on. No mention of am or pm though. I frowned. I didn't like vague Tips. Especially when they were my own. Nothing for it. I sighed and glanced up at the sky. Moon seemed to be fine so far. I honestly had no idea what to make of that last bit. I tucked the note away in my pocket, then stood up and stretched my arms above my head. I had to be ready if it was -this- 5:27. I

So here I was, on this junker of a frigate, on a slow-boat to some shitty little alien moon to assist some eggheads in fixing an antenna or some other nonsense. It was a disgrace, but I would not let it get under my skin. I sat my shifts, I led my men, and then I went to the shooting range. Looking back, I would give anything for just one of those heavy-caliber assault rifles and a few magazines of ammo, even those dry ice rounds that were compacted from the ship's life-support systems. And then we landed on this god-forsaken moon, still no contact from the science kids, and kicked the door open. I wanted to be angry about it, but honestly a

Your Ancestors Weep I weep for you now, but it has not always been so I was overjoyed for you once, but it has not always been so. In those first early days when we crawled in darkness Beneath those whose shadows dwarfed even our greatest I was afraid. And then there was the second sun that burned so bright That it almost made up for the decades of night That followed. Almost. That sun that burned so brilliantly That it washed away the darkness Of the life that was greater than we. And I was hopeful. At first. But then came those decades of night When the sun would not rise for days at a time First food grew scarce And as food grew har